Prayer Diary #2

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June 9th, 2003

10:20 pm – 1:25 am

Yesterday’s Sunday’s message was based on Philippians 3:1-11. There, the expression “We who worship by the Spirit of God” stood out, because I could not understand its meaning. It is we who worship God, but the expression suggested that by God’s Spirit, or by the help of the Holy Spirit, we worship God. It didn’t make sense to me. While this was lingering in my heart, today I went to God in prayer and God revealed its meaning to me.

In the beginning of my prayer time, I tried to have intimate fellowship with God, but even though I tried, spoke aloud, tried to pray fervently, I could not tap into that prayer mode. I struggled and struggled,  but I could not. My prayer was somewhat tasteless. As I struggled this way, I realized that even though the recent conflicts with others had been resolved through honest talk, and I had no more inner problem with them, my spirit was not yet recharged fully and I could not enjoy intimate fellowship with God in prayer. My mind was clear, but my spirit was not prepared for meeting with God. I was discouraged.

I spoke about this in my prayer, exposing all these problems, saying that I could not pretend to be spiritual, and nothing could be hidden in the spiritual realm. Even though we can deceive people, we cannot deceive even a demon.  My spirituality is exposed very clearly to everyone in the spiritual world. I told God in prayer that even though my mind was cleared up through conversation with others, my spirit was not prepared to meet God and worship Him.  I asked the Holy Spirit for some help.

As I came to God as I was, confessing my lack of spirituality, my inability to worship God properly and to enjoy fellowship with Him in prayer, the Holy Spirit guided me to the presence of God and blessed me to enjoy deep intimate fellowship with Him. There, I recognized the presence of the Holy Spirit, and I could see His personality. As I prayed, praising him and confessing my love and thanks for him, I could feel and see that He was overjoyed and happy with me, looking at me with such warm and loving eyes. I knew then that I was beloved, and I did not want to leave that prayer spot. I wanted time to stop forever. God’s love was so real, and as I saw how overjoyed the Holy Spirit was because of me, joy and peace flowed in my heart like streams of a river.

Now as I spoke to him about this or that, he gave me his response immediately so that I could enjoy conversation with him. I said, “I love you”–I saw that he accepted my love confession and was even happier than before. Then, I asked him, “What should I talk about next, Lord?” Immediately, a prayer topic popped up in my heart, and as I talked about it, He again responded to me like a friend, and our conversation went on and on. I thanked God the Father who chose me from the beginning and poured out such great blessings upon me. I remembered Jesus, my shepherd, who had visited me and said, “I know you.”  And I thanked the Holy Spirit for being my teacher and Counselor.

I had such a great time in prayer, and finally I realized what Paul meant when he said, “We who worship by the Spirit of God.” I could understand what it meant to worship God by the Spirit of God. Surely, we ourselves cannot worship God because we are human beings, while God is the Creator. But by the Holy Spirit, we can worship God with all our hearts and strength, and we are overjoyed as we worship God wholeheartedly. Worshiping God with all our hearts and strength is the best time for us, and I realized that our life, the life of Christians, should be the continuation of worshiping God like this all the time. We are the real children of God, who worship God by the Spirit of God. Even though we are not fully prepared and qualified to worship Him, for we are nothing but the dust of the ground, still we can worship Him with the help of the Spirit of God.

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July 8, 2019 1:40 pm

This is very encouraging to know even great servant of God had prayer struggle.
Not able to have deep fellowship with God in prayer had been my struggle for a while. In frustration, my struggle had been just trying to keep myself awake.. :’(
this prayer diary helped me to realize I had been trying to pray/worship God in my all effort, therefore not able to tab into the spiritual world where God is at. I encouraged to keep struggle until I can enjoy beautiful fellowship with God 🙂

Sarah L
Reply to  aileen0711
July 9, 2019 6:26 am

Sergeant? Or servant? Or maybe both? 😉

Reply to  Sarah L
July 9, 2019 8:10 am

>_<… auto correct on the phone… just fixed it.

July 8, 2019 1:57 pm

Wow!! That’s amazing. And what perfect timing for this post. This morning, some verse popped up on my screen for the verse of the day. It was Romans 8:26,27 which reads, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
When I read this, I was so confused. I had no idea what it meant to have the Spirit intercede on my behalf in prayer. But your testimony really helped me to see and understand this very well. I pray that I may come to experience it personally through prayer as well. Thank you for sharing this. I am greatly encouraged!

July 8, 2019 2:23 pm

Wow Msnry John this goes hand in hand with the message on prayer just yesterday! I am amazed how you tapped into God’s presence and was able to speak with God like a friend. You are surely the beloved of God. Now, I need to come to God with true sincerity like you have done. I need to really reach God in prayer. Thank you for your struggle! I see God’s love for you, me, and all of us is very real. Amen.

July 8, 2019 3:19 pm

I’m greatly encouraged to pursue and enter a real relationship with God in prayer!

July 8, 2019 5:18 pm

Wooowww that is how prayer is like! One thing I could really see is that I need to be real. Because God is real, everything in this christian life is also real. I sometimes feel like prayer and many other things I do are going through the motions, but it does not have to be that way, and it should not be that way! I am really encouraged to struggle to be real in all that I do for God!

July 8, 2019 8:18 pm

Thank you! I am encouraged to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in praying to and worshipping God with all my heart and strength. I want to experience that joy too.

July 9, 2019 4:35 am

This is very encouraging to know how much the Holy Spirit helps us in our prayer. I was blessed to know that I can ask the Holy Spirit to help me pray. I want to worship God in the way that pleases him. Thank you so much for sharing your prayer struggle with us.

July 19, 2019 7:43 am

Thank you for such an inspirational and encouraging testimony about prayer. I see that I need to seek more the Holy Spirit and even ask for His help to pray so that I can be in the presence of God. God bless you Missionary John.

August 7, 2019 11:21 am

I am reminded of God’s relationship with Moses. God spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. I am happy to see and know that such intimacy with God is not only possible and real, but that God is even so happy to enjoy that kind of relationship with his people. Surely, I have a lot to learn especially in the matter of prayer. One thing I see is that if I ask the Holy Spirit for help, I too can enjoy such face to face fellowship with Him. May we all become God’s friends, by worshiping God by the Spirit of God. AMEN!